Thank you Mr Microsoft

Thank You Mr Microsoft.

Thank you for scanning my computer. I didn’t ask and you did it for me.

Thanks.

Oh, and thanks for finding the virus that was “infecting” my machine. Boy, without you looking, unrequested, I would never have known. It is refreshing, so confidence building, so reaffirming of the goodness of humanity, that people, such as you, are there, guarding the likes of me. I am touched.

Genuinely moved. You must sit and watch for such, well, the only words I can find are “socially deviant scum,” that seek to cause mayhem for the average home computer owner. The simple, humble man or woman, that merely wishes to chat with family on Skype say. Or perhaps send loved ones around the world an email of affection. Converse with the Gas board, the local Council, the NHS. Possibly even their bank.

These people, such as myself, have no idea, no concept of the malevolent harm that some, again those words, “socially deviant scum” wish to cause the innocent user.

Thank you. Thank you so much. I am truly humbled in my appreciation of your guardianship.

Unrequested guardianship at that.

I am astonished at the technical brilliance you must possess to have searched for, and found, that virus on my computer. My own computer, out of the millions in the country you helped save mine from such evil.

Please do not disillusion me by modestly saying you stumbled across it. I wish to believe in your astounding ability to have sought and located this potential disaster.

I thank you again. My family thank you. The Gas board, local Council and the NHS thank you. Perhaps even Barclays Bank will thank you. You are modestly nameless, but I shall call you a twenty-first century saviour.

Indeed you are.

I am so overwhelmed by gratitude, dizzy with appreciation, that I must go and lie down to recuperate. This means I shall have to phone you later, and not immediately as you request. Then we can, together as you say, reset the security settings and pick a new password for everything.

We can do this after my rest.

In the meantime I suggest that you too, take time to relax from your vigilance. This watchfulness must be tiring. Take a break. Chill. Recharge the batteries ready for the future onslaught and fight against “the hackers”.

I will call you back later.

In the meantime , please , please, I beg you…..  hold your breath.