I found this recently. I must have typed it years ago – when you phoned to book…..shows how old….
Ryanair
“So yous don’t want insurance then?
“No thanks,”
“What, you’ll take the risk will ya?”
“Yes, I’m sure it’ll be ok.?”
“My God, only an Englishman would take a gamble like that! Going all that way and NO insurance! Are yer sure now?”
“Yes, I’m sure.”
“Oh well then, Ok it’s up to you I suppose. What about a suitcase? “
“What?”
“A suitcase . Would yer be liking a suitcase?”
“Err no thanks, no suitcase. I’ve got my own.”
“Yer won’t be having a suitcase? It’s the perfect size. Guaranteed.”
“No thanks …………no suitcase.”
“My God ! not a suitcase. Ok then hows about yer own seat ? eh? Yor very own seat now… all to yerself.”
“Er, no thanks, “
“What! Yer won’t be having a seat ? you’re really, really special own seat now? “
Well is it different from all the other seats.?”
“No ‘tis not. It’s the same but it has more room fer yer legs it has. would be yer very own seat that no other can sit in an’ yer can stretch out allyers wantz“
“But I’m only five foot four, and once I’m sat in any seat then no-one can sit in it can they? So that will be my own seat.”
“But we’ll save it for yers. It’s yor own seat with a unique piece of A4 copy paper with “reserved” printed on it . Ya mean yer won’t be wanting your very special own seat ?”
“No thanks.”
“Sweet Jesus. I’ll not be believing this. Well will yer be needin’ a car? You’ll need a car when ya get there won’t ya now?”
“No. No car.”
“What! yer won’t be walking from the airport to the resort now will ya? You’ll be fair knackered if you do. And what about a bit a sight seeing when yous there?”
“No thank you . No car hire needed ……….but THANKS”
“I just don’t believe it! Sweet Mother of God I don’t believe it!
Look, just once more now – will yer be takin g the insurance now – it’s great value, and you’ll never get insurance like this anyway …..”
“NO ! NO insurance, NO suitcase. NO private seat. OK? Do you understand.?”
“Sure, sure now, keep yer hair on……… ! Just the fucking flight then is it?“
“Yes just the flight !!
“Well there you go …. Print that off on yer own printer with yer own paper and yer own ink.. It’s yer boardin’ card. And thank yer very much for flying Ryan Air but next time will yer not go Aer Lingus?”