“Hello, President Trump?”
“Yes, Hi Prime Minister May, or can I call you Theresa?”
“Why yes of course……. Donald.”
“Fabulous, fabulous ! I am so glad we met last week. It was amazing. We are going to have an amazing future. A fabulous, amazing , tremendous future. It’s going to be wonderful, just wonderful. An hour wasn’t enough time at all. We should schedule more time for our amazing meetings. “
“Well yes an hour is not a ….”
“Yes we need more time , fabulous time, next time we should discuss whats going on in the world and not crowd numbers. Did I show you the photos of the inaugeraton? They are amazing , fabulous just amazing…”
“Yes , yes you did and they were, as you say, amazing but I wanted to talk to you about something else Mr President….”
“Donald …please, it’s Donald. And did I tell you how fabulous it was to hold hands with you last week?”
“Oh err, no ..you..didn’t actually…”
“Well it was Theresa. Truly. Truly amazing. Fabulous. It shows how we are going to get on so well together and have a truly fantastic relationship. Just fantastic. I can tell you now Melania was more than a little jealous you know.”
“Really?”
“Oh yes, sure, she went straight to her mirror, mirror on the wall for reassurance. Yes, she actually said, how could I do something like that, with that ugly cow. Theresa, I told her, for sure, I told her, truthfully, truthfully, I would not lie, she had it all wrong, completely wrong, so so completely wrong and that you weren’t that German bitch Merkel…..”
“Mr Presid….Donald, if I may..”
“You are…”
“Pardon”
“You are May. A Theresa May. Just my little joke Theresa. I like to think I can still joke with my friends and I consider you a friend Theresa. With a special relationship, just like our two countries Theresa, a special relationship that will get better more fantastic, more amazing…”
“There have been marches. Donald.”
“Marches?”
“Yes. Womens marches Donald. Over your presidency.”
“We call them parades over here …..”
“Marches against you Donald.”
“Why. Why would women march against me?and how many ?”
“Many Donald. Very many. Thousands. The papers here say many, many thousands Donald.”
“You can’t believe numbers Theresa. I, of all people know that. Lies, foul lies.”
“Well a lot Donald, an awful lot.”
“Are they attractive?”
“Who? “
“The women, the women marching . Are they attractive and any with big boobs.?”
“Well I really dont’ know Donald.”
“And do they like powerful men Theresa, or stars. Can you get your CIA or whoever you have to find out Theresa. Women like stars and power. They love power y’know. And get the numbers Theresa. the numbers Theresa”
“Well hundreds of thousands marching actually Donald.”
“No. Phone numbers Theresa, their phone numbers. See what you can do on their numbers.”
“We’ve also got protests in the house Donald.”
“Your house Theresa?”
“The Houses of Parliament Donald. Our seat of power in Britain”
“Oh that. We’ve got something similar here Theresa called Congress. But not for long”
“I am getting shouted at by the opposition over your banning Muslims from the United States.”
“Is your opposition Muslim Theresa?”
“No. Not yet.”
“Then why are they complaining?”
“They are saying that if I didn’t know you were going to pass the order the second I left, then I at least should be telling you to rescind it.”
“Well, you didn’t know Theresa. We may have a special relationship but that doesn’t go as far as me being honest with you. And what does rescind mean?”
“I am getting intense pressure from Jeremy Corbyn.”
“Who?”
“He is the leader of the opposition Donald.”
“Is he any good?”
“He leads the opposition. Even they don’t want him so, no.”
“He sounds like a nobody to worry about Theresa. I gotta tell you.”
“And Diane Abbott is saying I …..”
“Diane who?”
“Diane Abbott, she is in Corbyns second string too.”
“Diane Abbott ? Is she attractive?”
“I wouldn’t say that exactly Donald.”
“Does she like stars, powerful men? “
“She had a fling with Jeremy Corbyn.”
“So no then. Theresa, don’t worry about no hopers. No hopers are ten a dime Theresa. Just look at America.”
“They are saying that I should retract the invitation to meet the Queen, Donald.”
“Theresa, tell them all over there, and your Queen, it’s her job to meet men like me. What else is she is there for?”
“Goodbye Donald !”
“Goodbye Theresa”