Heard in Deal

Hi, Deal Bear here.

I was given a typical Canarian Christmas Eve meal on, surprisingly, Christmas Eve. I and the dumb human idiot that takes me everywhere, were invited to Tias up in the Lanzarote mountain above Puert del Carmen. To the home of Paco and Ellie. Born and bred in the Canarias both of them.  The hospitality was as fantastic as the home cooked meal. Even though the language barrier was fully down, the friendliness and genuine Canarian welcome couldn’t be hidden.

I, of course, was guest of honour, naturally. But they even made a fuss of the human such was their kindness.

In the Spanish Canaries (I’m not sure about mainland Spain) Christmas Eve is a family celebration rather like we Bears have on Christmas Day in the UK. Most restaurants and businesses are closed early as families get together. Christmas day itself is celebrated less so. However the big festive day is what is called The Three Kings. This is on the 6th of January. There are processions and floats and the Three Kings themselves are to be seen riding camels throughout the main towns throwing sweet gifts to the crowds. This is the day that presents are mainly given and received.
Well on this particular Christmas Eve, I and Dollopchops were invited by Paco Junior, to celebrate the evening at his parents. And what a meal was prepared.

So called “simple” cooking comprised of soup prepared and simmered for 24 hours, followed by aprawn starter which led to a steak main course. Even though the human does not eat sugsr these days he devoured a huge portion of Flan, a Canarian desert similar to a creme caramel. He didn’t realise I spotted the fat bugger dipping in for a second helping ! No sugar my bear arse!

This was a  meal too good for him, but he had it right when he said that you couldn’t buy a meal that good in any Lanzarote restaurant.

And to think Deal Bear was guest of honour !!

Me surrounded by my Canarian friends (the human had to stick his snout in.)

I am watching far more tv than I should. I usually only watch the football on Sky Go which is a “stolen” service from Margo and Julie my generous neighbours. But this trip I have watched films, documentaries, and got into History and The Natural World stuff. Unfortunately my favourite programme has come to an end. The Newsroom was, by far, the best tv I have enjoyed for a long, long time. I know Pat, my other generous neighbour in Deal, is – or rather was- into the series as well. She may have even got me interested in it in the first place. If that is the case then I owe a debt of thanks as catching up with the episodes was a must for me at some point each week.
A fantastic series by the same man, Aaron Sorkin, who created the West Wing a few years back. That was a good enough series but I believe The Newsroom was better by a good way.
I will miss it and can’t wait to see what Mr Sorkin comes up with next. I sit here and muse (again) – if I too, snort cocaine in industrial quantities would I also become a writing genius? It’s almost worth a try.
However the Newsroom episodes themselves, brilliant though they were, were not the only thing I enjoyed when I sat to watch them. Because I don’t have satellite, I caught up with the episodes on Now TV usually a day or two after the first broadcast. Sometimes, when I could resist the temptation of watching as soon as possible, I would save up and watch two (or more) episodes.
On Now TV, they do not interrupt the reruns with commercials. This is fantastic and makes the watching all the more enjoyable. There is no doubt the adverts definitely get in the way and I must make a note to “muse “on the subject of adverts and advertising at some later date.
However, on the Now TV repeats, when there was a need to break up the narrative, I guess when advertisements would normally be used; the show used a small segment of film no longer than twenty seconds in length. This segment has fascinated me from the moment I first saw it. It is a continuous sequence of film panning along a street viewing into the upper rooms as it goes. Much as you would see if travelling on the top of a bus as it goes down a typical street and you were able to view into the houses on one side. In each room, six in all, there is some scene playing out. The first is of a blonde thoughtfully reading something. She looks up as you, the viewer, go past. The next room contains a man sitting, looking somewhat shocked, on the edge of a bed. We immediately see the bed contains a nightdress clad young woman drowsily turning over. The next scene shows a man running down a hallway. In the next room, two girls –one in bridal gown looking sad, the other girl stroking the flower the bride holds. Next comes a room containing a man dressed as a woman removing “her” wig at a dressing table. The last room contains two people, an apparently upset woman being comforted by a Black man. The final sequence shows the end of the street scene and a woman in long blue dress running to cross the road outside the block.
As I say, I am, and have been spellbound by this short snap of life in this street. My mind boggles at the endless possibilities that could be attached to each scene we view. I reckon several stories could be written about each character.
I could not wait to see this little vignette in each episode, and set my imagination to work on the images.
If I only knew how to find out more about this particular piece of film. How it came about. Who made it? And why? Does it mean anything at all? Obviously the whole piece has nothing to do with The Newsroom. But in itself it doesn’t need to for me to be totally fascinated.
In twenty seconds my imagination is completely let loose. From the opening shots showing a sign with American spelling, to the final closing sequence that appears to be of a typical street found in England with what appears to be English cars (even a Rolls Royce) parked. Was that a continuity slip or intentional content?
I suppose I shall never know.
If anyone knows how I can possibly find out more, please let me know. Otherwise I might have to dream up my own answer(s) – which I am sure will be just as much fun!

Still the illness I got in Abu Dhabi forced me, once feeling a little improved, to traipse off to Lanzarote to recoup in the sun.

And that is what I am doing now – recouping. I am putting my heart and soul into it. Letting the sun do its job by day with me eating everything in sight by night – purely to build my strength up of course.

On the flight from Stansted  I read an article about Jamie Oliver who, on some chat show that week, recounted the story of how, in their early days, he burnt his private parts whilst cooking a romantic meal for his wife. Apparently dressed in only a bow tie around his willie, he steamed it when opening the oven door.

I too have done similar I recall. When I lived on a narrow boat I decided to fry my willie. I had risen one Sunday morning and for whatever reason decided to cook bacon and eggs. Why I can’t recall. The boat was moored a mere twenty yards from the only greasy spoon cafe on the River Lea, but I had the bacon, the eggs and the urge. I too was naked. There was no romance involved. Jamie Oivers’ wife was nowhere near. I had got up, showered and rather than dress just mooched around naked. It must have been summer. Well, to cut a long (and painful story short) I managed to tip the pan of hot oil, bangers and eggs. Some very hot oil splashed where it shouldn’t ever splash.

The reason I mention the incident is only because I muse how many men have managed to burn their willies – whether in a romantic situation or not. Perhaps steamed, as in Jamies case, fried, micro-waved or even candle waxed for that matter.

I will not forget that Sunday morning fry up. I leant both how to salsa and yodel like Johnny Weissmuller that morning and to this day the thought of bacon and eggs brings on a hives.

I have had some trouble with the speed of the broadband in the house here.

Perhaps it’s the rain they had on the island a few weeks back. While I was in bed in the UK, suffering with my Abu Dahbi conceived illness; the island had some of the worst storms for twenty years.

Most of the Canary Islands caught some part of a tropical storm that seemed to last for many days. The islands were apparently lashed by heavy rain and high winds. Sometimes up to four inches of rainfall in a day. It appears Tenerife caught the worst with some extreme flooding. At least one person died on one of the islands and most had to close their airports and ferries for long periods.

Lanzarote properties, in fact properties in the Canaries in general, were never built to withstand heavy rain. It isn’t their normal weather.

With the mountains, the surface area of Lanzarote is quite large. Certainly compared to the “flat” size (if that makes sense). So, when it rains the way it did, all the water has to flow down to the Atlantic Ocean . Natural (and manmade) gullies become torrents making their way to the sea. The resorts and towns on the coast are in the way. Storm drains can’t cope and roads and houses flood.

The island suffered badly in the storm. I’m almost glad I was too ill to travel back here.

This leads me back to my broadband speed.  I don’t think it has anything to do with water or extreme weather. I think it’s just crap broadband. I am with Telefonica which is pretty close to our BT in the UK. Someone suggested I try one of the other suppliers – Orange for example. This set me musing again. I seem to muse a lot these days!! What is the point of changing suppliers. The cable coming into the house carries the service. Another supplier isn’t going to unplug the end at the exchange and swap it for another cable which gives more “broadbands” or whatever comes down the wire are they?  When we swap our electric supplier in the UK (or anywhere for that matter) we don’t suddenly get a brighter light from the bulb. Or if it is a new gas supplier do we suddenly get a surge of extra heat from the boiler or gas stove? No. It’s just the same service sold to us by a different name.

I think I shall stick with what I have got.

SHOCK NEWS

The security around Deal Bear has today been raised to Code Red – the highest alert – after a plot to kidnap him was discovered.

Three International criminals, based in Ireland and the Budda Bar in Lanzarote, were overheard  by a gangland informant plotting removal  of the highly popular  bear from the custody of his owner currently holidaying in the Canaries.

Deal Bear has become somewhat of a minor celebrity on his recent travels. His ability to forge bridges  between social and cultural differences has even been noted by the politicos of Spain.

Even before his arrival at Arricife airport earlier this month, his amiable ways and social skills shone through when chatting merrily to staff, crew and passengers of Ryanair. Such was his impact on the flight he has been tipped to take over Michael O’Leary’s position as PR guru to the Irish airline.

Since then he has met countless Spanish officials of Banks, Accountancies, Social and media groups He spent one evening entertaining the locals at a Socialadad in one of the outlying villages of Lanzarote.

His impromptu evening appearances at such hot spots as Puerto Calero and Playa Honda have been even more successful than his recent Middle East visit to the Arab Emirates as guest of Sheikh Mansur.

Behind the scenes it is rumoured that his owner, a miserable git from the south of England, has a hard time keeping the ever popular Bear in check. Late nights partying and chatting to locals and visitors – usually female – has led to several missed appointments and engagements.

However, the relaxed and affable manner of the Bear makes it hard for a grudge to be held and those on the receiving end of his tardiness have been more than forgiving.

So far Deal Bears trip has been highly successful. Far more so than his jealous rival, Prime Minister David Cameron. His recent trip went largely unnoticed until he spent eight hours in the sea attempting to get stung by a jellyfish so that he could hit the news.

As for the potential kidnappers little is known.

When asked if the criminals were a crack team of masterminds put together just for this heist,   Chief of Policia Victor Gonads said “What, from Ireland?”

“All we know is that a gangsters moll overheard the potential perpetrators planning prominent personal points pertinent to pinching the bear. But, her and them being Pissed none of it made sense,” said the Chief

CCTV of the plotters was inadequate as images of the men’s faces  were obscured at all times by pint glasses and bottles .

Chief Gonads said , “ For these people to come to our island for such a terrible act is reprehensible. We are shocked at both their audacity and the bar bill they ran up!”

Watch here for more news on this story !!

Hello all !

I am here sunning myself. Yes I know ….again!  It’s extremely windy. Lanzarote is always breezy but this wind is exceptional. Still the sun is shining and I am topping up the tan well.

It was all a bit last minute really.

Deal Bear’ first Ryanair flight

I brought the bear along. Deal Bear. I thought he could do with a break from my front window in Griffin Street. So I thought he could come and keep me company. And perhaps amuse the the grandkids with his travels. Also I can show him the island, some of the people and friends. I hope he’s enjoyed the first few days. In fact, I am sure he has. The plane was an adventure for him as he’s never flown before. 

Milena at the car hire

Attended meetings with my accountant………..

Checking figures with the accountant

But it’s not all been work for him, He’s relaxed in the pool …………………..

Bear sunbathing

and also eaten my very first attempt at cooking Tapas  – a large bowl of Gambas al Ajillo, or prawns in sizzling garlic as we know it.

Preparing the Tapas

We’ve been for a nice long run each morning.

In the evenings we have watched Spanish TV to try and pick up the  language and I have taught him how to play Rummikub, the National Sport of Deal.

I am positive he’ll be remebering this break when he’s back home in the window checking on the neighbours as they pass by. I’ve even building up this photogrpahic record for him to cherish.

Bear here ! He’s gone to bed the dozy human ! What a tosser. I was quite content in my window. It was dry, not too cold and always something interesting to going on. And the dozy bugger drags me out here !! All that crap about my first flight. How the hell does he think I got to England in the first place. Mind you …she was a bit of alright the stewardess. Olivia was her name. Thirty one and lived in Madrid. she was just about to tuck me in my seat when he came along. Taking bloody photos and distracting her. She couldn’t wait to bugger off then. I didn’t even get her number.

The girl in the car hire place was a looker as well. tickled me under the chin. Hee hee. But again he was cramping my style by talking about bloody insurance. 

And the accountant. Phoaw ! I could check her figures all day !! but then silly bollocks has to start talking about money.  I don’t think he notices these women you know. I gave up trying with them after that .It’s no use when he keeps putting the kaibosh on it all.

And all that old tosh about me sunbathing  !! He put me on a sunbed and shoved it out in the middle of the pool ….bastard.

This is the real photo ……..look!

shoved out in the middle of the pool !

I’m floating about like the Mary Celeste. I’m a bear !!! I can’t swim !!! I spent twenty minutes pooing myself … I wasn’t brown with the sun !!!

and he made me eat that foreign muck. …. tapashit I think he called it. He didn’t have any I noticed. Probably thought he’d try it on me ‘cos I don’t count.  He had a bowl of porridge !! I’m the bear around here !!

He’ ate all the porridge……
bastard !!

A run in the morning ……..my arse. It’s just an excuse to go to the beach shuffling along looking at the bikinis. The first day he spent forty minutes watching a womens beach volley ball game. And it’s no fun for me – it’s twenty eight degrees. I’ve got a fur coat on and stuck in his bum bag. I’ts no wonder I flop on the beach when he’s done! Tosser!

And he cheats at Rummikub! Four games we played once he’d shown me. He cheated each game. I may be a bear but I’m not as stupid as my cousin Winnie. Cheated each game and he still lost all four. And all this watching TV to learn the language. Huh! You can’t learn a lot sitting up all night listening to grunts and groans on the Spanish Adult channels. If you don’t believe me look at his remote control under favourite channels.

I can’t wait to get back to my window! Mind you there’s a window here…. I wonder if I can get him to put me in one?