SHOCK NEWS
The security around Deal Bear has today been raised to Code Red – the highest alert – after a plot to kidnap him was discovered.
Three International criminals, based in Ireland and the Budda Bar in Lanzarote, were overheard by a gangland informant plotting removal of the highly popular bear from the custody of his owner currently holidaying in the Canaries.
Deal Bear has become somewhat of a minor celebrity on his recent travels. His ability to forge bridges between social and cultural differences has even been noted by the politicos of Spain.
Even before his arrival at Arricife airport earlier this month, his amiable ways and social skills shone through when chatting merrily to staff, crew and passengers of Ryanair. Such was his impact on the flight he has been tipped to take over Michael O’Leary’s position as PR guru to the Irish airline.
Since then he has met countless Spanish officials of Banks, Accountancies, Social and media groups He spent one evening entertaining the locals at a Socialadad in one of the outlying villages of Lanzarote.
His impromptu evening appearances at such hot spots as Puerto Calero and Playa Honda have been even more successful than his recent Middle East visit to the Arab Emirates as guest of Sheikh Mansur.
Behind the scenes it is rumoured that his owner, a miserable git from the south of England, has a hard time keeping the ever popular Bear in check. Late nights partying and chatting to locals and visitors – usually female – has led to several missed appointments and engagements.
However, the relaxed and affable manner of the Bear makes it hard for a grudge to be held and those on the receiving end of his tardiness have been more than forgiving.
So far Deal Bears trip has been highly successful. Far more so than his jealous rival, Prime Minister David Cameron. His recent trip went largely unnoticed until he spent eight hours in the sea attempting to get stung by a jellyfish so that he could hit the news.
As for the potential kidnappers little is known.
When asked if the criminals were a crack team of masterminds put together just for this heist, Chief of Policia Victor Gonads said “What, from Ireland?”
“All we know is that a gangsters moll overheard the potential perpetrators planning prominent personal points pertinent to pinching the bear. But, her and them being Pissed none of it made sense,” said the Chief
CCTV of the plotters was inadequate as images of the men’s faces were obscured at all times by pint glasses and bottles .
Chief Gonads said , “ For these people to come to our island for such a terrible act is reprehensible. We are shocked at both their audacity and the bar bill they ran up!”
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