The Queen has publicly called on Commonwealth governments
to name Prince Charles as her successor to head the organisation,
as she opened what could be her last summit in charge ……..
The Scotsman, April 2018
“But Mummy are you sure I’m ready?”
“Of course you are Charles. If not now you’ll never be”
“But I think I may need a little more time. I mean it’s damned tricky learning how to rule and I’ve only been at it for …”
“Poppycock. It’s not meant to be an eternal apprenticeship. You’ll have to take over everything one day. Best to start with the Commonwealth first.”
“Oh but Mummy..”
“Oh but Mummy nothing..It’s only being head of a third of the worlds population. Your father says that its a nothing job anyway and even you can do it between talking to the forests and fauna.”
“Mummy, might I remind you that you say Daddy is just a Greek beach bum that got lucky.”
“That’s only for the family at Balmoral, Charles. But he’s probably right on this one dear. As he says, Fifty per cent are only Australian, fifty per cent are mere Canadians and the rest don’t count anyway. It makes the position totally irrelevant.”
“But , Mummy fifty percent and fifty percent doesn’t leave any others….”
“I know, I know, but Greek sailors that should be in charge of the car ferry from Nichiarcos to Athens, are not known for doing their times tables dear. So cut him some slack eh.”
“Cut him some slack ! Mummy.! Where on earth did you hear that ….”
“From Gingers little Meghan. One can tell you, she’s been a breath of fresh air since she arrived. I may be ninety two but I’m not beyond it yet. She’s taking me to some place called McDonalds for my birthday. More than your father ever does. Lucky if I get a Kebab takeaway if he’s in charge. Anyway Charles, you will have to get ready quicker. I can’t last out forever you know. It seems everone’s popping off these days. Ken Dodd, Stephen Hawking and I’m nearly out of corgis. And poor Dale Winton, Goodness Charles, my daytime TV is all but ruined.”
“But Mummy, you know Cammie doesn’t like the heat. And we’ll be traipsing around every bloody jungle in the world if I’m head of whatsit.”
“The Commonwealth Charles . It’s called the The Commonwealth and has been in the family for … well, forever. I’ve been in charge for fifty , no sixty odd years. Hell, time flies. I’ve had enough. It’s your turn.”
“What about Andrew? Why can’t he do it? He can fly around them all in his bloody helicopters.”
“Sixty six years.”
“What, Mummy”
“Sixty six years actually, that I’ve been head. Sixty six bloody years Charles. It’s your turn. You are now “it”. And you can imagine your brother as head can’t you?. He’ll be charging an annual fee for membership within a week. Payable by American Express. Where is he by the way? I get worried when he “disappears” for too long. It means a scandal is on the way.”
“Well can’t we do another damned Brexit and get out of it.”
“Don’t be silly Charles it’s ours. We can’t just up and leave it.”
“We could sell it on. A going concern.”
“Now you’re even sounding like Andrew. No, you’ve got to step up and make a start. You’ve heard the expression, “Make it so”.”
“Meghan again?”
“Of course. I love that girl. Some film quote I think. Anyway Charles get off your derrier and get on with it. It’s going to be good practise for when you take on the big one here. There are sixty odd million that will be looking up to you. You’ll be entertaining that Theresa whatshername every week soon.”
“Oh no Mummy not her. I’m sure she only wants to start a war. Just because that other woman Thatcher had one so she’s got to.”
“Well better her than that Bolshie, Corbo Corbyn. God I hope I’m gone before that one runs my country. Got the dress sense of camel. Who on earth does his PR? I thought ours was bad enough. Must be Mathews, Marks and Luke plc. They dress him up as a lookalike Jesus.”
“Oh Mummy. I’ll never have to have weeklies with him will I?”
“Probably Charles, probably. I’d start to brush up your Russian.”